August 24, 2011

Premise Review: Rise of the Planet of the Apes

I'm breaking new ground on Stub Hubby. I'm not reviewing Rise of the Planet of the Apes (RotPotA.) I have not seen RotPotA. I'm reviewing the premise of RotPotA, based on what I've seen in the trailer. (the gorilla leaping into the helicopter is pretty badass, right?)

James Franco as a non-stoned scientist: Maybe I've seen Pineapple Express too many times, but I' having trouble picturing James Franco as a working professional of any kind. I keep expecting him to say "wait, what are we talking about?" then run into the woods.
Curing Alzheimer's Disease: The therapy used on the chimpanzee Caesar makes him super smart. Weren't the scientists in Deep Blue Sea trying to use super-smart sharks to develop a cure for Alzheimer's too? And how did that idea turn out for Samuel L. Jackson? I guess James Franco's scientist hasn't seen Deep Blue Sea, or does RotPotA exist in a parallel, yet eerily similar universe where the movie Deep Blue Sea was never made? (spooky music)
The End Game: This is why I'm not going to see this movie. There aren't enough primates in San Francisco to sucessfully "rise" to a whole Planet of the Apes. What's the outcome? Caesar magically synthesizes more magic gas, FedExes it to every zoo in America, a few more to Africa, and suddenly homo sapiens are on the run? Let's set our goals more realistically. Maybe the movie should be called Rise of the Neighborhood of the Apes, or Rise of the Bitchin Treehouse of the Apes. That's a movie I can get behind.