March 23, 2009

The Worst Movies 1998-2016

I have seen a lot of bad movies over the years, but making a list- a short list- was a challenge. While reviewing every post in this blog, these were my criteria:
  • We're not looking for BAD movies, we're looking for movies I hated. I have enjoyed plenty of bad movies but I have hated many good movies.
  • I had to see the movie in the theater. Therefore, movies I hated on TV (Napoleon Dynamite, The Break Up) don't make the list.
  • They have to be memorable- movies I saw and have since forgotten completely (Hexed, Eve Of Destruction) don't make the list.
I decided to limit myself to more recent history. This eliminates my free-spending, reckless youth. My discretion in moviegoing has improved...slightly. The good news is, I'm not a snob or a boor- this list includes big dumb action movies and artsy independent movies:

  • Meet Joe Black "Long, unnecessary, interminable, boring nothingness..."
  • The Big Lebowski "the meandering self-indulgence is maddening."
  • Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back "How did these two become so interesting?"
  • View From The Top "It was if no human hand was involved in the creation of this abomination."
  • Beyond The Sea "It simply doesn't hold together."
  • The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou "The quirks of Wes Anderson have worn me down to the nub."
  • The Island "...directed without flair, intelligence, or accomplishment."
  • Wanted "I endured a sadistic, ridiculous, and joyless grind-fest."
  • You Don't Mess With The Zohan "A novel and promising comedic premise, totally squandered."
  • The Invention of Lying "The movie needed a fresh perspective."
  • Killing Them Softly "A self-indulgent, smug, talky gangster movie."
  • Friends With Kids "The plot decomposes into a rote When Harry Got Sally Pregnant rewrite."
  • Nature Calls "The end result is a unfocused mishmash of maudlin "last camping trip with Dad" sentimentality, pre-adolescent camping humor, and the kind of boorish shouting you'd expect from Rob Riggle and Johnny Knoxville at their least restrained."